Thursday, November 18, 2004

Answers on a postcard please.

How to win an election:

  • Start a war which claims the lives of over 1000 young Americans and untold numbers of Iraqis.
  • Don't forget to leave hundreds of tons of explosives unguarded - those insurgents and terrorists will need it.
  • Oh - and scrap any plans to rebuild the country. You don't need that. Do everything on the fly.
  • Take a budget in surplus to the tune of $127 billion and turn it into a $400 billion deficit.
  • Slash taxes. (These items MAY be connected). This tax cut should be designed so that 38% of the tax cut benefits the top 1% of earners.
  • Propose an education bill that will leave no child behind.
  • Don't fund it fully. If those kids didn't have the foresight to be born to rich parents, that's not your fault.
  • Don't forget your friends in the oil and mining businesses - move to let them dig in environmentally sensitive areas
  • And your friends in the drug companies - don't let people buy expensive medicines from overseas suppliers. You can't trust these foreigners - even the Canadians.
  • We won't leave our defence suppliers behind - plenty of juicy government contracts in Iraq now.
  • Leak the name of an operational CIA field agent in revenge for her husband not supporting your WMD claims. So what if this destroys her career, endangers the lives of her contacts and potentially adversely affects the ability of the CIA to gather effective intelligence? You can just stonewall the inquiries that follow.

What you can do is appeal to the rich by slashing their taxes and promising more. You can also appeal to the born-again Christians by promising a moral regeneration. Unfortunately, you are going to have to deliver - so that's bad news for gay people and womens' reproductive rights, but good news for coathanger manufacturers.

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