Friday, May 20, 2005

John Hemming is an illegal immigrant!

Well, for those of you suffering from insomnia, here's John H's maiden speech to the House. Don't all rush at once and crash the server.

He does admit that he isn't as local as he has claimed...

Apparently, the Hemmings were kings of Denmark and came across with the Vikings, although he doesn't find room for his demands for home rule for Mercia. Not that he has delusions of grandeur or anything, but slipping a quote from Beowulf into your maiden speech is worth of Pseud's Corner in Private Eye. Aside from that, he tries to get one over on the member for Swindon by singing the praises of the roundabout on Garretts Green Lane. Anyone who has ever driven over the Magic Roundabout in Swindon will know that Birmingham has nothing to match it - fortunately.

There's still room for his one-man campaign to save the ancient community of Yardley, which is in no way connected to his desire to save his political skin come the next election.

After John wraps up and they nudge the other members in the chamber awake, Norman Lamb jumps up and adds:

Remarkably for my hon. Friend, he managed to avoid controversy, although I suspect that that may not be repeated in future contributions in the Chamber.
You don't say, Norman, you don't say.


john said...

Please remember that I have been Chairthing of the Mercia Liberation Front since 1979. I am, in fact, the only person who has ever been elected as a "Mercian Nationalist" as was the case in 1980 when I represented Oxford University in the National Union of Students as a Mercian Nationalist.

(aka West Midlands Regionalist)

Zoe said...

Chairthing? That's a new one on he no longer qualifying as a person then?

john said...

It is unfair to discriminate against inanimate objects.

The MLF is always fair.

If the members decided to elect a stick to be Chairthing then they would be entitled to do so.

It is all about democracy.

Bob Piper said...

Stick... or Hemming?? Bloody hell, that's a tough choice. I think I'll vote stick!

Manfarang said...

Wow!I didn't know the grapes were that sour in Birmingham!

Anonymous said...

Blimey, don't you guys ever give up your party political repartee. It's really sad for the non-ploitical like me.

PoliticalHack said...

You claim to be non-political, but have read and commented on a political blog?

I'm sorry you don't like reading it, but the point of this blog is to make political points and contribute to holding parties to account for their behaviour and policies. (That sounds far more pompous than I mean it to).

I'm also trying to have a bit of fun with some of our elected representatives (and I know this blog is read by a number of MPs and councillors - three of 'em post regularly).

Sorry if you are turned off by this, but I make no apology for being political on a political blog.